What I Need...

I typed the phrase "Joe needs" into a search engine--Google, in this case--and this is what I came up with:

1) "Father Joe needs to remember that he is vulnerable to anything that gives an emotional uplift." Considering my job situation, that's very true. But what's this "father" shit?

2) "Joe needs patronising." Hmm...not so sure...

3) "Trader Joe's needs toilet training." Better him/them than me, I suppose...

4) "Stevie Joe needs more evangelists." Poor bastard must REALLY be desperate.

5) "Joe needs US reality check." I'm not sure how much I could really argue with this one.

6) "Joe needs your support." Cash, personal checks, or PayPal, please.

7) "Why Joe needs to go." From a blog. No, it doesn't refer to a lack of fiber. And people have probably been saying this about me for years.

8) "Average Joe needs help with clarifying ideologies." I'll clarify yours if you clarify mine...or something like that...yeah, that was weak...

9) "If you need cash, Joe needs you." Pimpin' ain't easy, yo.

10) "Holy Joe needs to come to Jesus." No thanks. Four years of Jesuit schooling was more than plenty.